Spring?

Alex got baptized! What a great day that we shared with family and great friends. I hope it is one that she can remember forever. She's such a great girl!

Yesterday, Alex woke up and looked out the window. So dramatically, she said "Oh NO! The snow was all melted off the grass!" Yep, it snowed again. And is threatening snow today, and tomorrow...who knows how long? Spring seems to be so far away! Max has been reminding me for the past couple of days that it is officially Spring. Yep guys...this is Spring :)

Either way, we seem to get outside and brave the conditions. We had our last ski day yesterday, and it was great! It is such a fun way to spend time with the family. Brian is always up doing ski patrol on Thursdays, so I have been taking the kids up and we ski with him. He is getting the task of teaching Izzy - that's coming along...slowly!

I love my family so much! I often think about how maybe if there would have been one more child though. Especially when Max talks about how Dexter (his cat) is his only brother. It breaks my heart that the decision to have another child was taken away from me. I have to believe that it was not in the cards for me, and I am reminded to be grateful for the beautiful children that I have.

Being done with my treatments has been good and bad. I actually think I felt some security when I was going in weekly. I felt very proactive. For the past two weeks, I have really tried to get past this year and to become a true survivor. It has been mentally tough for me. I have a lot of fear. I'm angry that this fear has been instilled in me.  

I went in yesterday for my first "cancer marker". This is a blood test that is sent to the lab and it tests many things. If the number comes back above normal, it usually means that there's something bad stirring. All I really know is that the number I want to fall between is...1-40. As long as my "number" was within this range, things were looking good. The doc called yesterday with the results...39. I'm freaking out!

CELEBRATE!

HAWAII! This is the celebration that Brian and I gave ourselves as a reward for a hard year for both of us. We took off for a week and went to Kauai. Truly the most beautiful place that I have ever been in my life! We were so lucky to get the weather we got. Six out of the seven days were absolutely perfect! Waking up with a little chill, watching the whales and dolphins jumping in the ocean. Sea Turtles and Monk Seals sunbathing on our beach. We had such a blast! I hope to make this a yearly venture.

Yes, it's true...it has officially been a year since this all began. I honestly can't believe it! I just had my last herceptin treatment this past Wednesday. It felt really good. Especially as I look down at my bruised arm, to know that I shouldn't have to go back for that again. However, I must say, a little bittersweet. The group of fighters that have gone to get treatments at the same time as myself for the past 6 months or so...most of them don't have the same luxury. So as they wished me well and were genuinely happy for me, I felt almost guilty. As terrible as the past year has been for me, I definitely had it the best out of the group. Many of my friends are terminal. Receiving chemotherapy only to contain their cancers. I will miss visiting with my friends. I hope I never let myself forget the feelings, people or things that I have seen and learned this past year.

I can't say that the fear of having the cancer come back somewhere in my body doesn't cross my mind every day. I know there is much to be said for a positive attitude. I believe in that and I also believe in mind over body. I will move forward with a positive attitude. I am a proud survivor! I have been through more than I ever imagined I could go through. I hope to build my own strength and confidence, and move it into the future. Because I see it there now. I have a beautiful life, and I am grateful for this life every day.