Cancun

Brian and I just got back from Cancun. We went with my sister Allison and her husband, Jeff. We had such a blast...didn't do much, but thats what we went for! It's just what the doctor ordered. What a beautiful place it is there! And the politeness of all the workers at the resort - well, I just wanted to bring them all home with me!

Really, we literally did nothing! Some walks on the beach, swimming in the ocean, laying out, playing card games, shopping and eating! And my bald head was really not that big of a distraction when you think of all the banana hammocks and tight trunks all the Europeans run around in ;)

I'm so glad that my sister encouraged Brian and I to go away with them. Things like that that I'm a little hesitant to do, but they are such pick-me-ups and they make this difficult time pass much more quickly and happily. I love my sisters! Thanks!

My Doc

I had to go in to get my blood drawn for my mid-cycle testing yesterday. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to get the white blood cell booster injection this time around... no dice! Chemo just seems to wipe those out of me, and yet again... I got shot up! My doctor was hesitant to break the news - since the side effects bite!

I was so happy though - my doctor told me that he was amazed at how my body was handling chemo. That my treatment regimine is pretty rough, and that he was impressed. Just what I love to hear! I try so hard to be tough and not to complain (too much anyways). My oncologist is great! I think all of us "cancer patients" have a little crush on the guy. We're pretty lucky to have Dr. Ben Jacobs in Logan (he's the only Medical Oncologist in town) :) He thinks I'm reckless and I tend to try to negotiate or skirt around issues that he discusses with me, but its all in good fun. So, for having to deal with cancer... we're all pretty lucky to have him as our "doc".

Out of the fog.

My third treatment came and went. I'm so happy to have it behind me. After a couple days, I am starting to feel better physically. I keep expecting to be slammed and down and out. I am so grateful that for some reason, my body is seemingly able to fight the drugs off. Sure, at times I am so exhausted that I want to just collapse and cry... but for the most part, my body is staying strong!

My frame of mind and my optimism seem to be my biggest struggle at this time. It is challenging for me as I can see myself being irrational or how the little things affect me in ways that I wish they didn't. I know it is temporary. I know that it is part of the havoc these drugs wreck on my body!

After 2 months, it doesn't get easier to walk into a room and feel and catch the stares. I have yet to get used to walking by a mirror or reflection of myself. I pride myself on being strong physically and mentally. With each treatment, this power slips away just a bit.

I know that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. In a clear mind... I can see that this already has made me stronger. I hate it with every piece of my being - but I will grow and learn what I am meant to from this experience.

Spring Break

We headed down south to St George again, for Spring Break this time. Along with several families and friends from the neighborhood. Even though the weather was a little questionable at times, it certainly beat the near foot of snow we got at home!

The kids had a blast, which makes everything worth it. We hiked, road biked, played, swam and ate a lot! We had such a good time with each other and with great friends!

I felt so great the whole time! My doctor gave me an extra week off, as my 3rd treatment fell during the kids spring break. Sure, I am not myself when it comes to energy and endurance for exercise. But I felt normal. Feeling normal is something I don't take for granted anymore. It feels so good to have a little bounce in my step.

I got a taste of it and I'm pretty anxious about my next treatment on Tuesday. Its tough to feel like you've shaken all the chemo symptoms. And then to willingly go in and have them punish your body again, its crazy! I can already taste the metal in my mouth, feel the naseua in my stomach and I realize that my energy levels will be depleted once again. All for a short time, I am hoping.

When people ask me how long I expect to be down after each treatment... I don't know what to say. My mind wants to scream out and say, no time at all! But in reality, I know that with each treatment, my body has taken it a little harder and it kills me to succumb to the poison. But it is realistically probably about a week before I can shake the harshness of the drugs.

This treatment will be number three of six. 3 down, 3 to go... that's encouraging! :)