Keeping up!

My kids aren't really the "chill - sit back and watch" kind of kids. They are a bit high energy and like to keep us on our toes. What a day! No joke, I have got to share these stories, as they literally happened within 1/2 hour of each other.

Brian had Max down at his office for about the last hour of work today. Max was on schedule to just play on the computer while Brian tied up a few loose ends before he came home. Brian came home and told me that he got "caught up" talking to one of his guys and wasn't paying much attention to what Max was doing. When all the sudden, the Sheriff shows up. Concerned, Brian asks the Sheriff if everything is OK? The Sheriff goes on to say that they have received several calls from this location to 911 and he needs to make sure everything is alright. To this hour, Max is holding strong to his story. He has no little sister to blame this time! Nice try buddy!

Literally at the same time, I am at home trying to get dinner ready. Izzy comes up to me with a neighbors sweatshirt and tells me whose it is. I acknowledge the observation and tell her that we will get it to her tomorrow. Not 30 seconds later, and Alex is yelling to me that Izzy has opened the door and is b-lining it down the street to return the sweatshirt. I run to the door (bald headed and all) and Izzy's just about half way down the hill. Funny story... not yet. The funny part is that she has an audience! Several neighbors are watching my 2 year old streak down the open street in her snow boots and t-shirt. Loose as can be - no pants, no diaper... nothing! I drive down the street to pick her up and bring her home. She collectively walks in the garage door and smoothly strolls to the front door and BAM! She escapes again! Naked and all :) I'm happy to entertain the neighbors.

Do I have my hands full? The answer is yes. Fortunately...no harm, no foul - today anyways :)

Weekly Recap

My sister and her five kids were here about a week ago. It was so great to have her stay with me for a short time, and my kids were in absolute heaven playing with their cousins. They certainly feel "ripped off" that all their cousins live in Texas. Angie is so happy! She has been through more than I can even imagine in the past 1 1/2 years. She will be getting married on June 11th to someone who makes her over the moon happy. Her happiness shines through her and it is addictive. I love her so much!

It has been a while since I last wrote. I draw a blank as to what to write... not knowing the defining difference between what to share and things I prefer to keep to myself. Thoughts, feelings, emotions... I experience the whole realm in any given day.

I had my second of six chemo treatments a week ago today. I am just starting to feel like myself again. The things this poison does to my body... wow! The obvious effects are hair loss (which I have pretty much completed) and fatigue. Unfortunately, I experience about every additional side effect in the book. Just like me, very "by the book". I wish I could grab a break here!

The weather is turning (with exception to the beautiful snow storm we had this morning). Who couldn't be excited about Spring approaching? My favorite time of the year! Getting the kids out to the park, riding their bikes and scooters and although they are already asking about swimming and water slides - I think we've got a while before that! But life is good.

My Giant Hurdle

WOW! Waiting no longer. I anticipated this day since the diagnosis. Losing my hair was the biggest deal breaker of having cancer. Unfortunately, I was left with no choice in the matter. On day 17 following my first treatment, my hair started to come out. It was coming out in such clumps that I decided to take matters into my own hands. After a emotional morning of fighting the enevitable, I took the bull by the horns and with a few close friends had it buzzed off. I was shaking, I was so nervous! I don't care what anyone says, that was one of my darkest days so far.

I feel like the talk of the town. Wanting to escape it all, I went to Salt Lake for a night with a friend of mine. It was just what I needed... or so I thought. NOPE! I thought I was hanging tough. I thought I would be good to go with my head scarf in tow. That was not the case at all. By 5:00, I had had it! I couldn't look or pass by one more mirror. I didn't recognize myself! I couldn't handle one more stare or long look. I went out to the car by myself and completely lost it!

I am trying so hard to become OK with this, for I have to be! I will own this look and get my emotions in check, but it is taking time. Without actually losing my hair, I could never have imagined feeling this way. I feel so vulnerable now, and I am grateful for friends helping me "plug along"and jump over this giant hurdle!

Still Waiting!

It's been two weeks since my first chemo treatment. Thats the magic number that is given as far as how long to expect before your hair starts falling out. Still waiting... it hasn't happened and I couldn't be happier about being a "late bloomer" in this sense!

I feel good! In fact, if I didn't have the constant reminders of head covers laying around the house, minor physical discomforts and the "cancer" idea looming in my head all the time... I would almost not even believe its happening to me!

Throughout the past 2 months, I have tried so hard to continue working out regularly. That is something that is so important to me. Not to burn calories or lose weight. Simply because it clears my mind. It invigorates me and makes me feel like I still have control over something. It makes me feel strong and in charge of something! I ran the other day for the first time since the mastectomy. YES! I feel so "normal" right now.

I can't wait for the Race for the Cure in Salt Lake City on May 8th. You better believe I'll be a part of that. These are my people :) I have such a love and such compassion for anyone who has been affected by this disease. My heart has grown, my outlook has been broadened and I welcome these changes with arms wide open!!!

Wigs

So, I'm just kind-of anticipating my hair coming out. The doctor said that it typically starts to come out at about the 2 week mark. My 1st chemo treatment was 11 days ago!

So...wigs it is! I despise them! There is nothing cute about them. Every time I look at either the blond wig or the brown wig, I just get a sick feeling inside. I had a friend come over today to "shape" them up a bit for me. I gotta hand it to her, they look better. At this point, I don't see myself ever being comfortable wearing one. Fortunately, I found some cute hats and scarves as a cover up alternative.

On a side note - I gotta give a shout-out to my Grandma Raymond who would be turning 96 today! Happy Birthday GG! Its been about 1 1/2 years since she passed. I think of her often, as she was truly probably my very best friend and confidant. How I wish she was here with me now!!

Rally Hats

Well, it snowed a couple inches here today! Winter is managing to hang around... just when it looked like we might be nearing spring. I guess we'll bust out the skis and sleds :)

My brother-in-law has been here the past couple of days. What a champ! Yesterday, he watched my kids for me when I had to go to Salt Lake for a couple appointments. He hardly watches his own kids when he's at home in Texas! Really!

But the night he got here, we caught up, watched my favorite show (Cougar Town), and I was heading off to bed. When he asks me to wait and he pulls out this bag. He busts out some Nike hats that have the "LIVESTRONG" logo on the front (which is Lance Armstrong's cancer logo essentially). And on the side of the hat, he has had them all embroidered "TEAM KB", in breast cancer pink! He went on to tell me that he and my sister hate being so far away, and this was their way to rally up and support me! He had some extra made and told me that he had made them for me to give to people who are close to me here and helping me rally through my fight... every day!

What a gesture!

My Therapy

I love my life! I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband who loves me, supports me and provides for our family. So blessed to have three beautiful, healthy children. So blessed to live in a place where my family feels safe and at home. So blessed to belong to the family that I do and to have welcomed many more people in my life who have become like family to me too. I have so much to be thankful for! I have always felt this way. However, over the past couple of months - my perspective has been dramatically changing... for the better.

Very recently, I have been dealt some challenging circumstances. Some challenges that I am to deal with and learn from. My story is much the same as many strong women out there... Breast Cancer.

Selfishly, I am choosing to begin my blog now to document the path that I am on. The experiences I am having. So that I can express my thoughts, concerns, good days, bad days - to hopefully clear my mind even a little bit! Also, it is my hope to be able to connect with so many people who have expressed interest and concern for me and my families well being. I have been so touched by the outpouring of love, phone calls and cards in my behalf. Although I would love to respond to each and every one... I have not been able to. With each day that passes, I gain such strength from all the good in my life!

My journey to get through this trial has begun... it is in full swing! And this blog is my therapy...

St. George Getaway

We went with some friends and took the family down to St. George over Presidents Day weekend. It was so great to escape the FREEZING weather! It was absolutely beautiful. Who knew that 65 degrees would be considered hot? We swam at the pool every day, hiked in the canyons, played in the sand dunes and rode our bikes. Good times! Much needed getaway... enough to get us through the rest of this dreary winter.

Birthday Parties

So, my family is growing up! Alex just turned 7 (Feb. 20), and lost her first tooth! Max just turned 5 (Feb. 19) and my little baby Izzy is 2 1/2. Yes, she is my baby - and I'm going to hang onto that for a while.

Alex is my little student. She is an excellent reader and learner, she is on a team at gymnastics, and she will start soccer and tennis as soon as the weather turns a bit. Until the snow clears, she loves to go skiing up at the Beav!

Max is addicted to Transformers and Bugs. Between the two, he could occupy most of his days. He is super excited to be 5, as he can now start up with soccer and t-ball! He too loves to go skiing with his daddy up at the Beav!

Izzy is a little firecracker. MINE, ME and NO are constants coming out of her mouth. I couldn't love her any more, she is such a joy... but definitely keeps me busy!

Both Alex and Max decided to have birthday parties this year. And since Alex wanted to go bowling, do a pinata and have cake and ice cream... so did her little brother! They both had about 7-8 friends come over and they thoroughly enjoyed themselves. What a weekend!